The Perpetual Joy of Normal

Tonight is dark and cold, but I am not dressed in heavy clothes. The house is warm and the outside glass of the windows is covered in the black paint of the night sky. There is a thin layer of blown snow on the worn wood deck just beyond the window reflections and I can't be certain, but I think the dogs have pooped in the basement... again.
What happens when normal is what brings the widest smile? What happens when happiness becomes a habit and positivity a lifestyle? What do we do when an aching back reminds us that spring will soon be here and a scar makes us hug our children tighter?



I just thank God.

What Is

I've got a feeling
that everything that is
came from what was
and what was
came from what became
which is what now
has become
as a result
of what is

And I'm pretty sure that
I am now
what I was then
but tried not to be
and was not
because I wouldn't let
what was me
be what I was
until now

If this is true then
where we are
is where we are
because of where we were
when we were
where we were
even when
there
wasn't yet here

today

the moment I am in
is the spot
where all is not
what it shouldn't have been
I can not comprehend
or expect
what is next
or stop the spin
of the earth

Full Circle

When I first graduated college back in 1998, I reported straight to the classroom. My degree was in secondary education, and I had landed a job teaching 7th grade English. I was an idiot. I know it sounds harsh, but there is really no other way to describe a guy who tossed scissors into the drop ceiling tiles and piled desks against the wall so that kids could sit on the floor. I taped carpet that I had rescued from dumpsters onto the floor and moved the room around weekly. Never did I take a whole lot of care to make sure things were safe for the kids. At one point, a movie screen that I had attached to the wall using a bent fork, fell into the face of a rambunctious kid... he ended up getting five stitches... he deserved it.
Somehow, I kept my job that year and was even asked by the principal to stay when I decided to leave teaching to pursue an internship with Young Life. I guess I was a pretty good teacher, just too young to know how stupid I was.
After three years of youth ministry, I returned to the classroom only this time to work in the 9th grade. I was still kind of an idiot, but the last three years spent taking kids on trips around the country and the world had helped me to take a bit more care. Again, I thrived and had great success, achieving student favorite as well as earning the respect of my peers through collaborative efforts in curriculum writing and the development of student reward systems. As such, I did what any normal person would do when things were going well; I left teaching again.
We moved to Colorado and I took a position as the Director of Senior High Ministries at a large church. I was in charge of a high school youth group that had about three hundred on the roll and a little over one hundred and fifty kids who attended every Sunday. It was an amazing amount of work, but most of the time, it was a ridiculous amount of fun.
After two years of that, my father got ill and we moved back East to North Carolina where I worked in college admissions, and then for another church as the Creative Director and Student Pastor... that was when the impossible happened. They fired me. After many years of tempering and becoming a "non-idiot" this church decided that I was not the right "fit". Never mind that my family and I had attended the church since almost the beginning when there were only about fifteen people in attendance. Never mind that the church had grown by almost fifty percent in the three years since I had come on staff (one of two full time staff people), never mind that many of the members said that one of the main reasons they came was because of the music (of which I was in charge), never mind that many said that they loved attending small groups and discussions that I facilitated because they felt I was genuine. The head pastor decided that I wasn't a fit, so he convinced the leadership team that this was true, and canned me without warning.
So now I have come full circle. After a short stint working for a company that treated me more poorly than a discarded kleenex, I took an interim position at a middle school teaching 8th grade English.
Now, after ten years out of the classroom, I am back in the saddle, and enjoying it more than ever before. This Monday I will interview for my job a second time as the teacher that I was an interim for has decided to move to Florida (probably to work at the first middle school I worked at). Like I said, "full circle", and did I mention that the church that we now attend is asking me to consider raising support and coming on staff?

some things

Some things we just forget
Some things we etch in deep
Some things we have to spit
Some things we have to keep

Some things we poke and prod
Some things we stroke and pet
Some things we make a god
Some things we never get

Some things are made of gold
Some things are made of stone
Some things are made to hold
Some things are to be thrown

Some things are good for short
Some things are good for long
Some things like to report
Some things that we did wrong

Some things we leave behind
Some things we know we should
Some things are so unkind
Some things become un-good

Some things are better left
Some things are never right
Those things I think I'll leave
And let them have the night

so, about that - -

Yes - you may have seen the Jackrabbit's rather negative poem... It has now been deleted. It was a rough night... after a rough week... after a rough month... after a rough year... 

Though I do believe it is a good poem, I know that I was wrong to post it. I felt like the spirit was saying NOOOOOOO!! but I really didn't care - -

[8] Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. (Philippians 4:8 ESV)

my friend failure

today you had to take a test
and found out what was in it
you beat your head and did your best
and hoped you pushed the limit

and all the things you didn't know
will soon be plain to see
and all the nights not studying
and watching dumb TV

there's nowhere else in all of life
that you can take this stand
there's nowhere someone writes it out
a kind of reversed plan

a thing that makes you conscious of
the stuff you need to know
and big red marks like quandary's blood
to lead you through the snow

it's been said evaluation
is a thing that you should fear
but I think it's a thing to hold
and learn from failure's tears

if all of life had written tests
and study guides and books
we wouldn't have to base our days
on other's sordid looks

and failure what a funny friend
who punches when you're down
and waits and laughs beside the lake
like he wants to see you drown

then gives a glance just to his left
and nods a little smile
your feet touch bottom and you know
its been there all the while

and stronger now your head emerges
from the water's end
and failure grabs your hand and says
you're learning much, my friend