Wonderfully Made

I look back at all the stuff I wrote the past couple of years and think about the seriousness in which I wrote most of it. Not that it is bad to be serious, but sometimes I wonder if people get tired of reading things that should "change their lives". I wonder if people just need to know that someone loves them just the way they are without changing their lives... I know that is where I am a lot. I just want to hear that I am a rockstar - that I knocked it out of the park, and more than that, that it was expected that I would just because I am who I am. But the problem with this is that it has to mean something. It can't just be an empty comment from a passerby. It has to be a sincere, direct, specific compliment from someone who really knows me. It sucks because this rarely happens. It's like when someone says something good, I am always thinking "Well, they have to say that because..." and I take all the sincerity and meaning out of it by justifying why they are insincere or not qualified to make that particular compliment. It kind of leaves a person in a hopeless place. A place that I put myself unknowingly, but nonetheless, a place just the same. Psalm 139:14 says;
"I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well."I have read this before and you probably have too, but have I really taken this in? Those wiry wild eyebrows that I voraciously pluck are wonderfully made. Those love handles are wonderfully made. That scratchy voice is wonderfully made. That ADD personality helps to make me wonderfully made... wonderfully made... really? Me? I have a hard time believing that. I mean, the rocky mountains are wonderfully made, works of art are wonderfully made, Toyotas are wonderfully made... me?So it's probably the second part of the verse where it hits home. The part that says "Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well." Though I am no scholar, the way I see it is this. When I am confronted with something truly wonderful; the power of thunder in a storm, the view from a mountain peak, my wife's smile, I get this feeling in my gut. This feeling that says that I am part of something way bigger than I could ever be by myself. The part that makes me just want to yell at the top of my lungs with a smile that goes down to my gut and penetrates my heart... my soul knows it very well... and that is how He sees me. Down in the gut with a smile that pins your cheeks back "MAN!!! Look at what I did!" the Father says as he points at me! At me...I don't think I will ever get it in this life, but I would like to move in that direction until I die... fearfully and wonderfully made... me...